I recently mentioned that I started attending 12 step meetings. No doubt the timing could not have been more impactful given the current global events. I am very grateful for the group support and program. Essential for Alcoholics for sure. I’d even argue essential for everyone…
I mentioned surrendering to a high power as being of value to me right off the start. So freaking true right now. Alcohol made everything in my life much more stressful. More drama. Super unhealthy. Heightened anxiety and depression. Amplified irritation, self-loathing and exaggerated my emotional negativity (to myself and others). So, removing alcohol was super key.
Past removing alcohol from my life, I still carried a lot of depression, self-pity and victimizing / blame. I was hyped on the benefits of not drinking, but needed to work more on myself and my way of thinking. In fact, my thinking was part of the problem. I tried to out think everything. Getting myself deeper into despair at times.
The concept of surrender, I first felt was weak. I don’t surrender, I’m a warrior I thought. Then go into my warrior battle mode with everything in life, causing major stress. Huh. That didn’t work. I got to a point where I couldn’t understand why my life wasn’t working out the way I wanted it too. Desperate, I went to the meetings and quickly found solace in surrendering to High Power. Like almost immediately.
I let go. I surrendered. I asked God or Universe, both really to take over for me here. My ego was shot and thinking I could control and fix all is almost comical. Especially since I have so little control on a lot of things. This 3rd step has been amazing.
Now, fast forward a few weeks and we are in the middle of full on Pandemic. OMG. This is gnarly. Yet, I keep surrendering to HP (higher power). And guess what, it helps.
Another phrase we’ve all heard but especially important in 12 step, is One day at time. I never really understood how freaking important this was until now. I have been living in the past, dwelling, ruminating, bumming. Or opposite, tripping out about the future. Worrying. Stressing. Both places (past and future) don’t feed me positive energy right now. They feed regret, and anxiety. Not cool. No fun.
Then yesterday on my mtn bike ride. Climbing a steep uphill grind, I thought about how much I’m enjoying it. Despite pandemic, isolation, confusion, fear. Or life stress about future. Right there in that moment, I felt joy. I was outside, elevated above the valley, sunshine, pumping exercise, sober, appreciating that moment. It was very peaceful.
As I continued on through the day into evening, I worked on enjoying the moments. Surrendering stress to HP, getting back into the current moment. Living in the present. Looking for the goods.
This morning I woke up, clearing out the negative thoughts and decided to take life One Day at a time. For me I think that means. Letting go of the past and not future tripping. Instead focus on today. Right now. My early cup of coffee and how nice that is. Or getting some time to write. Thankfully I wake up Sober. Grateful for that. I have my health today. The sun is poking through clouds. I am rested. Things like that.
This current pandemic ups the game on stress for sure. But if we can break down our life, and live right now. One day at a time. I think it will help us appreciate the goods. Focus on simple positivity. Appreciate the moments. And lesson the noise.
One day at time is a simple philosophy that we often forget. But really, it’s all we got. This day. One day. Right now. Let’s live in that. For those that struggle with addiction, let’s bring light to this idea. Pump the brakes as cravings come. Or Stresses that bombard you. And focus on this one moment, this one day. One step. Each moment. Do that and I think we can all collectively breathe more peacefully.