The good news is, I’m sober 8+ years now.  That’s huge and something that I cherish daily.  Not going to let myself get cocky there either.  It’s a daily process of making sure my life is aligned with sobriety.  Simply put, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs.  I’m straight edge man… 

That said, finding my emotional sobriety has been more of a challenge.  I actually really didn’t even know that was a thing.  Emotional sobriety isn’t just an AA term, its real.  Removing alcohol from my life is and has been one of the best things I’ve ever done.  However, soon after I found myself acting in alcoholic type ways. Craving self-pity or control.  Trying to self-will everything around me and when things don’t go exactly how I want them, I find myself discontent.  And shocker, things don’t go how I had planned a lot.  So there tends to be a lot unrest and subtle angers / resentments.  (Plus, my ego…oh man, don’t get me started on my freaking ego.  Let’s table that for another time).  

So, what’s the fix?  12 steps helps.  AA meetings help. My sponsor helps. Getting out of my own way helps.  Helping others helps. All this seems simple, but man it can be a challenge.  I’ve been in the thick of it lately.  

I guess I’m writing these thoughts out because I was a bit unaware.  Early on, I thought just removing alcohol would fix everything in my life and thus rainbows and sunshine for eternity.  Not so fast. There is more work to be done.  Of which it’s really such a great opportunity.  

Getting outside of my own head so I can help others.  Learn and then lead by example right.  Or at least try.  I think the Big Book says “progress over perfection”.  I’m backing that.  A goal of progress is doable.  God knows I’m far from perfect. But small steps of progress, that’s manageable.  That’s a worthy effort. 

Today I mentioned to my fellow sober friend that I had a lot of resentment towards myself.  For past mistakes. For feeling stuck. He listened and in his spirited upbeat self said “Great”.  He said that took him 15 years to figure out.  His vibrant energy offered encouragement.  “Hey man, who knows you better then you? Of course, you are going to be angry with yourself over mistakes made”.  Then he suggested the best way to get out of selfish behavior is to get into selfless acts.  Help others. Get out of yourself… which sort makes sense.  

Its part why I like AA meetings.  I get to hear others share about their life. Their challenges. Their victories.  Its inspiring. 

So, on that note, his suggestion prompted me to write this little thread. Hoping that maybe I can help others that are feeling stuck. Feeling some personal resentment or just curious about their sobriety journey while reading mine.  

I hope it helps. I’m a work in progress.  Trying to navigate my way through sobriety in pursuit of peace in the chaos and emotional soberness…