Gotta admit i’ve been in a funk lately. Well actually on and off for years now. Dealing with life sober is intense man. Add a heartbreaking divorce and its all pretty heavy. It can be overwhelming for sure.

So there have been days, weeks where i’m just bummed out. I don’t feel stoked. i don’t feel anything really. Just there. And the one thing i do feel is the need to continue to be sober. Its my base. Like there is a lot of hurt going on and i’m taking on a lot of life’s challenges, but just make sure you don’t go down that path again. Its not desperate. Its a positive place to be. Learning from past mistakes is part of life’s challenge, right? Well hopefully anyways.

So at a family visit, i was in that dark space. Down and hurt. Trying to be upbeat and present, but lost in the process. While the family enjoys their wine, i stayed focused to stay away. Its not that hard actually as i see how others change when they drink. As we get older, its not a good look. Anyway, maybe its family and the fact that i can be comfortable with them. I stayed down. In a state of sadness / depression. For being divorced guy. For the hurt, the victim type of stuff. Some real. Some not. And some, just get your shit together and get over it type stuff…

During this time, a family member called me out as a Dry Drunk. Someone whom quit drinking but carries the symptoms of an alcoholic. For me this was feeling addicted to the negative. To the hurt. To self loathing. To guilt and shame. i even think i use the sadness and depressive behavior as comforting. So similar to drinking problem issues.

And its true. i do that at times. When i feel down, i grab onto more negative thoughts to comfort me in my sorrow. Tell myself i’m a loser. or go over the guilts of past drinking memories that didn’t help.

I actually do this often and i’m working on it. Acknowledging when i do that. Why i do it. How to change that behavior, etc.

Its likely Dry Drunk stuff. i could see how i am a Dry Drunk in many ways. Yet, one key win here. I am Dry! I’m not drunk. This is huge and i’m proud of that. I could easily go into a spiral and say whats the point, i’m a loser, I can’t even be sober well. I might as well drink…

But i don’t, i haven’t and sure as heck don’t wan’t too. Because maybe going through all this heaviness is part of the process. Maybe being a Dry Drunk is a learning stage. Maybe i can grow from this.

Plus in my opinion being a dry drunk is still way better then being a drunk.

Man, i’ve got a lot to learn. Coming up on 3 years sober is a huge victory for me. Fuck yeah! But the game is not over. Not sure if this game even has an end to it. Its a never ending game and coach put me into a new position.

I guess for me, this caught me off guard. Am i a dry drunk? Looks like i have some of those symptoms. But that does not define me forever. I will not be labeled this for the long term.

What i am, is Dry! That is true. and i am not a Drunk anymore. So in that sense, i am not a dry drunk.

Either way. i am learning. I’m living. I’m a work in progress. Thank you family member for pointing out some negative behavior. I’m going to get to work on that.

And thank you to me, for recognizing and accepting detrimental behavior so i can work on that.

I am Dry. I am not Drunk! Thats my Dry Drunk moving forward…