One of my favorite activities these days is golf.  A friend said golf is like a mini vacation.  I totally agree.  Outside, among friends, a mental relief from work or life’s stresses to focus on getting this little ball in a hole.   Simple yet complex.  Golf for me is a great 4-hour escape.  Sometimes I can even find a little flow, getting my mind and body to work together in pursuit of scoring well.  It’s truly a wonderful leisure sport.

 

However golf certainly goes hand in hand with drinking.  Cart girls shuttle across beautiful grassy fields selling brewskis, tonic vodkas, warm ciders spiked with booze and fireball shots… Rounds take over 4 hours to play, so you can imagine how many drinks a golfer can consume in this time. Especially if frustrated with their game… ha.  What comes first the chicken or the egg?  They drink and play bad?  Or play bad then drink.  Anyway…

 

I actually remember when I was drinking that I enjoyed beers on the course.  I’d loosen up and swing away.  But I also remember being trashed on the course.  Or after a round, I’d be so tired and boozy that the rest of my day was shot.  I certainly didn’t feel like I played a sport.  Mostly felt like I hung out with buddies outside and got sauced.  It was fun at times, no doubt.  But I do remember the heaviness.  Literally feeling heavy and just exhausted from the long day in the sun, getting dehydrated.

 

Now after 2 years AF I see another perspective.  Yesterday I played in a really fun golf tournament.  I played with the head pro and some of the clubs best players.  A scramble so there was less pressure but certainly competition.   My crew was pretty controlled on the booze.  Not that they didn’t have any.  They did for sure.  In fact, I’d say my partner is a functional alcoholic of sorts.  At 10am.  He started with Vodka tonics.  About 3 of those by noon.  Then came heavy craft beer for the back 9.  The other guys in my foursome kept steady pace as well.  Finishing at 2pm, they had double their daily drinks and we still had a college football tailgate to attend.  In true honestly, they would probably consume 10 to 15 drinks that day. Easily.

And I’m not judging them. Just observing here.

 

What I would judge though is the whole scene.   The majority of the tournament players were day drinking.  Some causally.  Some heavily. Many of which do this daily if not a few times a week golfing.

 

What’s crazy is how freaking obnoxious the whole scene is.  A whole bunch of men.  All sauced up.  Red faced, many fat, sloppy.  Droopy eyes. Later in the round looking glassy eyed. Loud.  Making fun of each other in what would be considered a friendly manner. I guess that’s how guys communicate. But after a day of drinking it comes off so ridiculous.  Many going too far, being sexiest, or macho.  I’d say testosterone, but likely they lack it, because of their health…ha ha – low T.  My bad joke insert.

 

For real though.  The whole culture of drinking with golf is too bad. It’s such a beautiful way to be outside. I love the competitiveness of the game. The challenge.  The sport.  The camaraderie.  There are few other sports that you openly get housed when playing.  Not tennis.  Not mtn biking.  Not basketball.  Ok, maybe softball and bowling.

 

I can deal with it. For the most part.  But occasionally the talk is annoying.  Here is a real drink as they refer to something with alcohol as opposed to my coffee or diet coke.  No one is pressuring me to drink.  They don’t have too, it looks so unappealing anyways.  I just feel bad for many of them.  Their minds, their health.  Them missing out on a wonderful experience diluted with alcohol.

 

I may not be the best golfer.  I certainly could improve my putting.  But removing drinking from my game has been the best improvement I’ve ever made. Instead of losing balls, or losing my mind, I am gaining respect for my game.   Not just golf, but my game of life…

I have a friend that is seriously struggling with her addiction.  It’s bad and really hard to see her go through such tragedy and self-destruction.  I feel for her and hope she finds her path.  I try to encourage her with daily text messages of support.  The majority of them don’t get a reply.  However she will give me the occasional thank you or nod to how much they mean to her.  It’s not much from me but I hope it helps a little…at the very least knowing she has a friend out there that is thinking about her.

 

Her alcohol troubles are much different then mine were, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have similar issues. Maybe we can share small victories that help us on our path to better living.   As we both move into alcohol free lifestyles (me 2 years, her I’m hoping day 1 today).

 

I met her through a ski team.  We had many familiar friends and contacts, as the ski culture is sort of a tribe.  She was a great skier, enthusiastic coach and vibrant women.  However one of the downfalls of mentioned ski culture is the nature of après skiing. Party hard, ski hard mentality. It was fun and curious as many learn early on in skiing.  The lifestyle, the mountains, the adrenaline, the energy, which then turns to the afternoon / evening drinks.  Finding a balance there can be difficult.

 

That’s where she got lost. Instead of enjoying the lifestyle she turned more into party then ski.  She went from cute blonde skier, to a drastically different person.  Becoming addicted to alcohol, everyday.  Gaining a ton of weight.  Bloated and red faced.  Losing jobs.  Unhealthy relationships.  Her kids  threatened to be taken away.  She is in a terrible, urgent situation.

 

We drifted apart in years past.  Me dealing with my own life challenges, and taking on the negative effects of alcohol as part of my self-betterment program.  We’d connect here and there.  Then she went dark.  And I knew that she was going into a bad zone.

 

Meanwhile, I had been reading a lot of self help books.  Listening to podcasts about sobriety, and putting together tools to keep me stoked on my lifestyle changes.

 

Many of these books suggest helping others as a way to help you.  Seems like sound advice.  But I didn’t really know who to help and felt sort of conflicted since I needed my own help. I certainly don’t want to bring my issues on anyone else.

 

I have always been trying to support my friend because she is a friend.  I have empathy for her situation.  It hurts to see.  I never really focused on trying to help her to help me.   But I can say it does help.  It helps me acknowledge the darkness this terrible addiction can cause. While trying to show by example to a friend that hopefully can see it.  It helps to send positive vibes her way via a text, a thought, a prayer.  And ultimately I hope more then anything that it helps her.

 

She is going into another rehab today.  This one is different though.  Not the fancy rehab centers of past.  This one is a hardcore, detox sober home.  It’s going to be heavy for her and she is scared.  I told her that she is stronger then she knows and being scared is good.  It means she is alive.  I said in ski terms, it’s like getting scared before you drop into a gnarly ski run. The adrenaline, the fear, the focus. Then you drop and all that turns into exhilaration.  It’s a challenge but it’s worth it.  I hope she finds that.  I hope she drops in, makes some turns and comes out grinning with a feeling of accomplishment, excitement and respect for what she is capable of.

 

In skiing we all take our tumbles, the key is getting back up and trying again.  In search of those epic turns and pure enjoyment of being alive!

 

 

I recently embarked on my 2-year alcohol free anniversary.  A pretty cool accomplishment for me or anyone really.  In my world, not many people even know.  So I have to take a little me time to say good job.  Well done.  And keep charging.

 

To recap on why I started. Similar to many that develop a drinking problem.  I was depressed, anxious, stressed out, poor sleep, looked like shit, was fat, my wife was divorcing me, my life was a constant conversation of when I could drink and when I couldn’t.  But yeah, no biggie.  Friends and family literally never told me to check my drinking habits.  Not even my wife, whom was right there with me.  Finally my therapist told me that alcohol is a depressant and it’s really not good to drink when you are depressed.  Ding Ding Ding.  That made sense.  And I was running out of options.  I was desperate.  So I started with a 1-year goal.  This after many previous attempts. But this time, it was for real.  The consequences were just too gnarly.  In fact, looking back, I don’t think I’d be here right now had I continued drinking.  The emotions of divorce combined with a hangover would have put me over the edge. So I white knuckled this fucking habit and went to work on myself.

 

Another interesting note. From the outside I did not look like someone whom had a problem.  I have had many friends question this.  Saying things like, you didn’t even have a problem.  Or a family member tell me that I’m making too big a deal about this.  I see this as a bigger issue in society with problem drinkers and the obvious alcoholics.  Anyway, apparently I didn’t seem to have issues to others.  I had a good job.  A lovely wife.  A big home. A country club membership.  Lots of friends and was fairly active.  Hardly what one would call or look at as someone with a drinking problem.  I didn’t drink every night.  More like weekends binges like many of my friends.  But for whatever reason, it was bringing me down hard.

 

Fast-forward 2 years later. Sober and stronger.   The obvious changes; I’ve lost at least 20lbs.  I look much leaner, fit and even younger. I feel clear.  I’ve helped others with similar issues.  I am calmer.  I manage stress better.  I’ve saved a lot of money.  And believe it or not, I’ve even had a lot of fun!   In the past 2 years; I’ve traveled a ton (surf trips to Nico and Mexico). All over the west coast for travel. Camped, golfed, mtn biked and tons of other activities.  I’ve dated a few times.  I’ve gone to some great concerts (Pearl Jam, Jose Gonzales, to name a few).   And most importantly, I’m still here kicking after severe depression from divorce and other life challenges.

 

That said.  I wish I could say that 2 years sober cured it all. No dice.  It’s not a cure all.   I’m a work in progress.  I still battle with depression.  I still get occasional anxiety.  I’m not full of wisdom with the key to life’s problems.  I wish I could say, that I am sober and now I’m happy, wealthy, in love, perfect relationship.  Tons of awesomeness at all times.   Nope. I wish it were the cure all.  Like if you quit drinking, you will find love, wealth and bliss.  You will lose weight, you will look younger, and you will even have a better sex… I so wish that was all-true.

 

But wait.  Some of that is true.  After 2 years of sobriety.  There are some truths.  You do save money.  You do typically lose some weight.  You do start to look better, less puffy and tired.  Your depression changes, the doom in gloom becomes more manageable.  I’ve even heard sex is better (I’d like to test that theory soon).  It may not all be bliss and happy.  However, I will say with firm belief you become happier then you were drinking.

 

2 years clean.  I am proud of that.  I don’t have it all figured out (yet).  But I’m trying.  It’s still day-by-day in many ways.  The occasional urge comes and quickly goes.  I actually like being the sober guy now.  Different, unique and fit.  I like going against the grain of society.  A buddy of mine, whom is also sober, mentioned that his next big goal is 10 years.  He also started with a 1-year goal.  I like that both of us are still charging.  And I like that 10-year challenge goal as well.  While respecting that it takes each day to get there.

 

Here is the deal.  While drinking my life was falling a part. While sober, I’m putting back together the pieces.  With more focus.  With more clarity.  And likely, with more good things to come.

 

High fives to me for 2 years alcohol free…

 

 

A good buddy of mine gave me a nice compliment the other day.  A friend that has been very supportive of me.  Often inviting me over for dinner with his family or out for a round of golf.  A listening ear and some good advice as he had gone through his own life challenges.

 

More so, he is very impressed with both my decision and discipline to go alcohol free.  He tells me how cool that is and that he is proud of me.

 

Further, he mentioned that he likes this version of me more.  Explaining that before, when I was still drinking I had this edge.  A sort of dark edge.  Or aggressive edge. It wasn’t outwardly negative.  But it was there.  While now, he continued, I am  much more clear and calm.  Present.  Kind and compassionate.  Softer maybe but he believed i was a much more genuine person.

 

I took this as a nice observation.  What is more revealing is that I agree.  I hadn’t noticed it before, but looking back I totally understand.  Drinking put me into a weird zone.  I thought I was funny.  Sometimes loud.  Over talking and yes a lot of edge.  Likely because I was edgy.  Or on edge. Trying to maintain my drinking. How much, how little, when I could, when I couldn’t.  What I would feel like tomorrow.  What kind of hangover.  I had a fuck ton of edge.

 

I even see it in others. My buddies that are starting their journey of drinking into their 40s.  It starts to show.  They have edge.  They start to feel the booze more.  They have to figure out how to combine drinking with adult life.  With their bodies and the strange issues they start to get from many years of drinking.  They are edgy loud.  Or edgy not funny.  Or edgy about their family life, wife or friends.  Edgy about their work life.  Edgy aggressive.  And its obvious to me now being on the other side.

 

I’m stoked that my friend brought this to my attention.  Its nice to hear the benefits are seen from others.  He is cool to notice.

 

And you know what?  I may have lost that edge.  It was a sketchy edge.  It was a tense edge.  And gained a better edge.  The edge of being alcohol free!  I’ve gained an edge on many others.  Creating a more calm, caring, compassionate me. Less edge in one-way and more edge in another. i even feel like i’ve now got an extra edge on others and on life…

Visualize yourself 1 year from now… the version of you if you keep drinking and then visual the version of you after a year alcohol free.

 

This is a suggested technique to try in one of many books I read about quitting drinking.  I forget which one, but I remember reading it and actually doing it.

 

When I did this I was in the thick of struggle.  One night on.  One night off.  That shitty cycle of trying to quit and not doing it.  Ughh. That sucked.

 

I remember the night. I woke up super stressed and left my bed (my now ex wife was in bed).  I had gnarly anxiety.  My life was a mess, I had drinks that night and my wife was in the process of leaving me.

 

I went downstairs to the couch and listened to this book with headphones on.  The lesson asks you to meditate of sorts.  Breathe in and out and come to a spot visualizing you in a year continuing drinking.  I remember this terrible visual.  Me fat, eyes droopy, depressed, broken, pale, and sad.  It was a horrible thought.

 

Then the book shakes you out of that and you regroup into a different visual.  A clean version.  You take breaths and put together a vision of you in the future having gone alcohol free or sober (however you prefer to say).   Wow, what a contrast of vision and emotions.  Its like waking up from a bad dream and realizing it was only a dream in regard to the first visual.

 

Here was mine.  I remember visualizing feeling healthy. Feeling vibrant.  Feeling content.  I felt proud of myself.  I looked happy.  I looked fit. My eyes were clear.  My skin had a bronze tone.  I had an authentic smile.  I even remember my look of sort.  My hair was cut shorter.  My face looked leaner.  I was wearing a black shirt.  I had converse like shoes on.  And there was a picture of me in the vision.  I was smiling at the camera.  I remember thinking it was after a speech or a talk or some type of achievement. I envisioned a moment of health and prosperity.  And I remember smiling to myself.  Knowing it was out there.

 

And guess what?  I might have just had that moment.  If you see in the photo below.  I’m wearing a similar outfit.  I’m looking much better (in contrast to the version of me drinking). I have a real smile.  I have clear eyes and I am proud of me, for being clean and strong…

 

This opportunity came out of the blue (wow, look at the blue back drop).  I was asked to speak to a nationally ranked college football team. A sort of motivational talk.  Mind you this is not what I do for a living and I was nervous as heck.  But I have some past achievements that they thought would be of value.  So I agreed.  I did the talk.  I gave them an energetic speech about effort and showing up each day.  Be eager, embrace the process and enjoy the journey. I think it went well.

 

The photo makes me feel so good.  It’s almost a trip because I had a vision of this photo.  This version of me.  This clear minded me.

 

Sure maybe I dressed accordingly to my vision.  Yep and really I dress this way most often.  But I didn’t always have this smile.  I didn’t always have clear eyes and sure as shit wouldn’t have had the confidence to give a speech to an entire college football team.

 

 

One more thing.  The speaker after me, he is a professional motivational speaker and one of the best college coaches in history.  He gave a profound speech, which I took in intently. At one point he said, “I know the meaning of life, and you know what it is?  It’s to never give up!  Never stop trying”…Legendary knowledge there.

 

For me. I’m stoked in this photo.  I visualized it.  I’m stoked a lot these days.  I haven’t figured it all out but like coach said, I’m not giving up on trying.  It’s the meaning of life…

I know I’m not supposed to judge.  I know it’s not cool to preach about the benefits of not drinking anymore.  I know not everyone has issues with drinking. But must call it like I see it, so many people have issues with drinking.

 

 

Lets get real.  I have so many friends, family, co-workers that are struggling with booze.  It’s so much more obvious for me, now being on the other side.  It’s actually kind of crazy to see.  I’m surprised that it’s not a bigger topic.  Here are some examples.

 

Go into any bar and check out the locals.  If they frequent the place that’s a first sign.  Then look at their body language, their eyes, and their health.  Typically I see over weight guys, slumped over a drink, being loud.  Or the opposite. The lean, malnourished looking person sitting alone and quiet.  It’s sad.  But those are just the obvious.

 

Dive in further and I see others that drink nightly.  Maybe only a few beers or glasses of wine, but its weighing on them.  Often quite literally.  Creating health problems.   It’s their vice to unwind and without it could cause anxiety, stress or irritability.  That’s probably not good.

 

Or what about the parties, or functions where I see so many drinking then regularly drive home.  I’d say about half are responsible about their intake.  The other half freestyle it and hope they are only mildly buzzed.  Questionable tactics.  I know I was there for many years.  Not drunk, not sober.  In the middle, hoping I wasn’t too far over the line.  It’s gnarly.  Especially as they drive their cars home.  I wonder if there has ever been a test of how many drive home from a bar drunk.  I’d bet most are over the legal limit.

 

I see others suffering.  Maxed out. Little things blow up into big things. They drink but only on the weekends as they tell me on a Tuesday night with a glass of wine at dinner.  They make rules.  They break those rules.  They constantly try and manage their drinking opportunities.  Letting go on weekends, to feel and look like shit on Sat and Sun mornings.  They look aged.  They are emotionally conflicted.  You can see their internal struggle.

 

Then the more obscure. I have friends that live in paradise. A perfect setting, wonderful couple, life would seem to be a dream.  Yet, guess what.  That paradise is turning into a living hell.  They are straight up dealing with the permanent holiday life.  Drinking daily, arguing nightly.  It’s ruining their marriage and it all starts with the booze.  I try to help explain that and they agree, but don’t change and the struggle escalates. So sad.

 

I’ve mentioned before. But as I continue on my path of being alcohol free I have lots of friends comment on how cool that is. Then later come back to ask me how I did it. Or they want to try but can’t.  Typically saying things like wow, man that’s so cool, I don’t think I can do that.  Ding ding. Thanks but that’s a sign that you might have a problem.

 

Recently I’ve made friends with some other non-drinkers.  Some that quit.  Some that never started.  It’s an interesting bond as we speak to the benefits.  While also discussing the culture of drinking.  How it controls so many lives.  Weekend BBQs all about drinking.  Night out for dinner, a sports game, happy hour, a date, a work event, something to celebrate, something to drown sorrows, drinking is literally everywhere.

 

Throw in the fact that it’s designed to make you addicted.  To have more, to crave more, to drink more.  Its one of the most successful drugs.  Just enough to get you going, then more, more and more.  Its toxic.  It wrecks your body, your liver, your mind.  It ruins relationships, causes drama and so much more.

 

It’s sad to see that so many of my friends are struggling with this problem.  It’s sad to see a society that is crazed by this toxin.  I’m surprised it’s not more spoken of. That so many people are struggling yet the ones that take action towards their drinking issues are often portrayed as the ones with a “problem”.

 

I hope we change this trend. I actually think it is changing. Similar to how we changed the smoking culture in the last few decades.  I hope binge drinking will become recognized as lame.   I hope healthier AF drinking options come into play.

 

And more so, I hope my friends and others see the trouble drinking is causing them.  That we have an epidemic of sorts in our culture.  So many with drinking problems yet  so many that don’t even know they do (or maybe they do, but afraid to acknowledge it).

I’m sure I’ve said this or thought this in the past. Maybe not directly but in my mind no doubt. So lets dive in and see if this is actually true?

 

First off, drinking life was certainly not boring. So in that sense sure. But hold on. That’s because it was a constant mix of stress, up and down emotions, financial strain, relationship difficulties, drama, wild nights and horrible mornings. Yes, drinking life was full. Full of shit!

 

That’s one of the reasons I quit, that’s why others read this, that’s why we finally say enough is enough. Even if it is boring, it sounds nicer then the madness.

 

Maybe I’m admitting that being Alcohol free is boring at times. Ok, I’ll agree to that. But is boring, sitting with a nice book. Is boring, going for a walk with a friend?   A cup of coffee early in the morning, a pure feel of emotions. Is it boring to help others, to be there for your family? Or doing yoga, dare a say meditating. Fuck yeah all that sounds pretty boring to a former drunk. But let me tell you from the other side, if that’s boring, give me more of that. I want that boring life all day long.

 

Am I boring, when I can look you in the eyes and have an honest discussion? Listening attentively, engaging and supporting. Am I boring when I reach out to a friend that needs some help? Call my parents to check in. Or being more present for life challenges. I don’t think so.

 

Actually, when we really dive in. Sober life is far from boring. Just the real emotions of life can be gnarly. Life’s twist and turns seem like an action movie at times. There is real excitement as well as times of hardship. It’s really anything from boring.

 

In the 1 year 7 months I’ve been alcohol free; I’ve taken on a life challenge (drinking habit), lost weight, gone through a divorce, moved, built stronger friendships, connected with family, traveled to Nicaragua, Mexico (3 times), multiple trips to CA, MT and WA, gone on multiple dates, been out late at night, 2 weddings, dancing, read a ton of books, started writing daily, started yoga, meditate, bought new car, new mtn bike, bike more, grew my hair out and now looking at getting a new tattoo. Just this morning, I got up early on a beautiful Sunday, hit coffee shop, then 8 am mass, made some bfast, off to play a semi final tennis match, then likely go on hike and out to dinner. Yeah super boring I guess.

 

In contrast, my drinking day would have consisted of this, get up late, feel like shit, eat greasy food, hate the way I look and feel. Suffer through day, maybe try and do activity not feeling good, then get back into drinking in afternoon, smoke cigs, talk loud and argue with my now ex wife. That kind excitement sounds lame. It was lame.

 

What is not lame is feeling stoked! Sure it might be a different speed then my past drinking life. But its way more rewarding. Way more pure. Way less stressful and yes, way more “boring”. But in a good boring sort of way…

Happy sober?

 

Is that a thing? Is it even possible? Seems weird to understand. How can one truly be happy, sober?

 

If you are like me, you have had these thoughts. Possibly when you were in drinking mode (for me a past lifestyle) and someone would mention being sober, the thought seemed so boring, and far from Happy.

 

During that period. Happy for me was with beers, cigs and friends. With smaller happy times with family and playing sports.  But mostly happy equaled beers somewhere in the equation.

 

Happy was directly associated with drinking. For me. For most my friends. As well as for most alcohol commercials, movies and advertisements. Happy was drinking. Drinking was happy.

 

Until it changed. Until it wasn’t. Until the sadness from drinking overruled the happiness from drinking. Funny how that works.

 

Then it was like a long drawn out break up with a partner. You would continue to try it again, to see if things changed. Only to have it continue in the opposite direction. The happiness of drinking became horrible guilt and depression the next day. The drinking changed to more sadness.

 

Then soberness found its way. Surely complex, surely not easy, surely not on demand. But it comes and finds you. Luckily for some. Finally for others. But the last thing you think when getting sober is happiness. It’s more about dread and despair.  Or the shock of raw emotions? What does one do? Happiness is a distant goal, but often seems like a fairy tale or mystical creature.

 

Happy Sober, seemed contradicting…

 

Then, one day it hits you. Out of the blue, maybe mid laugh with friends, or a moment in beautiful scenery, or a brilliant smell of flowers, or fresh coffee, or a vista over the ocean, or sitting reading a book, a look from your family, or friend, or helping another person, it comes in strong…its at that moment, happiness occurs. And it’s freaking amazing. You are happy. You are sober. And together you are Happy Sober. It’s nice. It’s clean. It’s pure. It’s beautiful.

 

Happy sober, is real. I’ve felt it. It’s not always. It comes and goes, but when its there its amazing. And the more you acknowledge it, the more you seem to find it. It becomes more often. You wake happy. You sleep happy. You spend more and more moments happy.

 

Happy sober is to be cherished and appreciated. The more you do that, the more you get. Even in difficult times, you can find small happiness. As you think clearly, solve problems and mature.

 

There is even crazy happy sober. When you enjoy crazy moments, happily and sober. Dancing at a wedding, Singing out load at karaoke, dress up parties. Its possible. Crazy happy sober is next level. It’s really cool.

 

And guess what, unlike drinking fake happy, Happy Sober doesn’t include hangovers filled with guilt, depression and self-loathing. Happy Sober actually thrives and wants more of the fun times. But also acknowledges a responsibility to life. And Life’s challenges.

 

I’ve been sober for 1 year 7 months. Despite incredibly difficult life challenges, I’m seeing a lot of Happy Sober times. Laughing, dancing, friendships, moments, scenery, opportunities. Life is beautiful. Especially sober.

 

So look for it. Its real. Happy Sober is a thing…

For some reason as I struggled with drinking, I always thought in the back of my mind, don’t worry. That if it gets too bad, where I’ve fucked up too many things, that I can finally make it time to quit drinking and everything will be ok.

 

Its sort of that messed up thinking that got me in trouble in the first place. Blame it on alcohol, something or someone else and if needed I can fix and control everything.

 

As I continued fighting this ridiculous battle with drinking, not drinking, over drinking, binge drinking, trying to set boundaries, breaking set boundaries, repeating cycle over and over. I was causing so much harm. Mostly to myself, but also those around me. Closest of all my now ex wife. A sad story that many of us who suffer with drinking issues know all too well.

 

After 10 years married, 6 or 7 of which were filled with fun and goofy drinking life. The last 3 or 4 started to turn sad. Depressed drinking followed by anxiety, irritable behavior, fear, selfishness and self-sabotage. It had gotten so bad that I had pushed my wife away.

 

As the end neared, I finally said enough was enough with drinking. A Hail Mary attempt to save our marriage. But more so to save my life. A month before she moved out, I would quit drinking for a goal of one year.   But it was too late. As you can imagine, that first month wasn’t filled with bliss and happiness. Rather, stress of being a new white-knuckle sober guy. Eyes wide open, trying to put together the pieces frantically as my wife started packing up.

 

I tried desperately to convince her this would fix it all. She wasn’t so sure. Often times, claiming I don’t see any change in your behavior. Man at times that was close to pushing me over the edge, but I stayed strong. Focused and determined.

 

For some reason I was convinced that by me taking on this challenge it would fix everything in our relationship. That there was this happy sober fairy that would fly in and make everything all ok. Since in my mind, alcohol had caused much of the harm in the first place. By taking this off the table it would all be fixed.

 

Well sorry to say, just like the tooth fairy, I’m not so sure it exists… But before one would read this and say fuck it then, I’m going to get drunk. Let me add, there is a benefit. In fact, there are literally so many benefits. I’ve listed before and if you don’t know the benefits of getting sober well then you aren’t really ready or trying.

 

But the biggest benefit is ones’ wellbeing. Real, honest, to the core wellbeing. It’s not in a fantasy happy sober fairy. Its in being full on clear, vulnerable and pure. Even proud of yourself.

 

No, quitting drinking, getting sober, going alcohol free didn’t miraculously save my marriage. However, it might just have saved my life. I’m a year and half without that stress and toxin in my life (booze, not her, ha ha cheeky dig). I’m sad to lose what I thought was a wonderful marriage. A deep loving relationship with her. But I’m not sorry to lose the fake love of my life and long relationship with alcohol. The comparison of going through both at the same time was intense, emotional and laden with similar behavior. In one sense I’m freer now. Like or not, its me right now and I accept that. I forgive me. I forgive her and booze fuck you…

 

I let loose on my therapist the other day. Saying I came here for help saving my marriage and fixing myself. But that didn’t happen, my life is falling a part. In his calm therapist tone, he said, “is it? or is it falling right into place? Exactly where you should be in life right now.”  Ugh i thought to myself, nodding the possibility that he was probably right.

 

Look in the end, i haven’t seen this happy sober fairy.  But does that mean i shouldn’t believe it it?  Like Santa or the Easter Bunny.  They do act in mysterious ways.

 

I can tell you this; going alcohol free may not solve anything, but I’m convinced it helps everything!

 

I was listening to a podcast a few weeks back where the discussion mentioned the idea of more detailed alcohol warning labels including potential side effects.  It was said in a joking way but then again it makes so much sense. I laughed thinking about it as they poked fun of what some of the label warnings would say.

 

The comparison was to the side effects on Big Pharm drugs that we see in commercials. Things like; may cause constipation, dizziness, giant eyeball syndrome (ok that last one is a joke), but these are often acknowledged toward the end a drug commercial. Often times the side effects are more gnarly then what the drugs are intended to help. The obvious; antidepressant drugs that might cause suicical thoughts. WTF. That seems like a terrible option if already depressed.

 

So lets have some fun (or be honest) and come up with some labels that could be attributed to Beer, Vodka, Wine, Tequila, etc. First, lets start with the benefits. Beer, a nice social anti anxiety medicine. Or Wine, great for de stressing at the end of the day. Vodka, relax and unwind. Or Tequila, get a little silly and enjoy the night…

 

Then in a classic, fast and unanimated voice, comes the list of side effects… May cause; dizziness, upset stomach, vomiting, poor choices, over talking, loud speaking, arguments, violence, sleepiness, passing out, loss of memory, selfishness, withdrawal, hangover, headache, weight gain, puffy eyes, fatty face, red skin, poor sleep, anxiety, depression and addiction.

 

Also, cases have shown to cause; broken relationships, bad consequences, self loathing, financial strain, divorce, cheating, driving drunk, terrible despair, loss of job, loss of hope, loss of life, death.

 

In rare cases, complete and total life ruin, broken family, lunatic thinking, obsessive thoughts, physical harm, liver failure, cancer, STDS, unwanted pregnancy, unwanted sexual relations, lack of sleep, habit forming lifestyle.

 

While others have seen additional effects in; waking up naked on a sidewalk, concussions, black eyes, jail, ruining spouses holiday party, ruining owns life, increased life stress, late night consumption of tacos, loss of phone, loss of credit cards, loss of mind.

 

Displaying these warnings playing while an image of a serene sunset of a fit guy and girl on the beach drinking beers…

 

I bet that might detour some from drinking or over drinking…It sure would have to me.

 

I think it might be time to get real about the effects of alcohol. I sure know many friends and family that are struggling with similar side effects. It’s truly a shame.

 

Maybe you can tell me some additional warnings.