Well, it took me 3 plus years of sobriety to get to a 12 -step meeting. Gotta say there is something special going on in them…
First ,I am stoked on my 3plus years of being sober. It was hard work. Sometimes dark, other times great! Many times blah, with periods of despair. Combined with freshness, bright vibrant living. For a sure a blessing and a better way to live.
However, I did sort of think I was unique or different. My ego was keeping me from this type of recovery. Thinking my bull dog approach was enough. Some ways it was, cause not drinking is the most important aspect for those of us with drinking issues. Yet there was so much more for me to unravel.
Getting sober was part 1. But there is so much more goodness to discover. That and my life was and is still full of challenge. I found myself in a stuck spot. Often depressed. Self-loathing, victim / blaming. Secretly saying in my mind, “I’m sober now, everything should be working out now”. Ha.
Life was throwing me some serious curveballs. I was struggling emotionally. So, I decided why not. Time to check out an AA meeting.
I know a bit about the program from books, podcast and other info I’ve taken in the through the past years getting sober. I picked a meeting that I heard was good. A noon meeting called the Lunch Bunch. It was in a church and i made my way into the conf room. Got there early and asked a nice woman about the rules. She was super nice and explained the basics. As the meeting started, they asked if anyone was there for their first meeting. I said, yes and they all greeted me with a warm welcome and quickly got me a list of phone numbers. So cool. Such a pleasant start.
Now mind you, I was 3 years sober, so I wasn’t in that world of detox that many new comers are. But on the other hand, my spiritual sobriety was a shit show. So much so, that I was really scared with my thoughts. My anxiety and stress was next level. Scary level. Could the 12-step fellowship help?
The meeting started and I was immediately taken by the honesty, the vulnerability and the beauty of the shares. People were straight real in there. About their struggles and their success, much in part to the program. The friendships. The steps.
I could tell right away that this was for real. I felt at ease. I felt intrigued. I felt understood. I felt relieved. I felt, dare I say… love. This group of young and old, rough and tough, proper and kind, edgy and attitude, all had one thing in common. The desire to help others get sober, so that they could stay sober. It was a true love of that goal that bonded them. And sure, I was the new guy, but I did not feel left out…
I suspect I will have many more posts regarding this program. I know I will. The steps. They legit. I can’t wait to get more into them. Starting with step 1 being powerless over alcohol. I get that, but even more I would say I’m often powerless over my mind. It spins. It can be negative. It can drive me mad. And I was a little concerned it could drive me to drink.
Then step 2 believing in a power greater than you. Yep. I do. I’ve been praying every night, my whole life. My own personal relationship with God. So, I like that. And I believe in that. God. Universe. JC. My inner soul. There is some type of Higher Power. So, I’m good there.
The big whammy was step 3. Surrender to that Higher Power. WOW! That hit me like a ton of bricks. My mind spins and stresses me, but at some point, I said ok. I surrender. I cannot control my life this way. I have to give up and admit I’m powerless and I surrender to HP. Let go and Let God as they say. And once I did that, I’ve been amping ever since. Its real. It’s the Serenity prayer. Its everything.
So that’s where I’m at right now. The 3rd step. I walk around telling myself over and over, “I surrender to HP”. Let go and Let God. Trust. Have Faith. Its helping.
Sober for a few years. A great success for sure. Yet a total newbie when it comes to spiritual sobriety. That is something I’m looking forward to learn more about.
They say one day at a time. That’s me now. Stoked on a new process. A new program. Beautiful souls. Another first start.
Keep coming back, it works if you work it…